I write this Blog as husband Steve and VLR co-director is living his other passion which is endurance cycling.
Today FEB 26th Steve is currently nearing the completion of cycling the length of New Zealand from top to toe on his 3000km TOUR AOTEAROA cycling event. He is doing it in record time and inspiring many other riders, those that are tracking him across the globe, his wife, family, community and all at VLR.
When he is away from VLR for an extended time, I also seem to go on my own epic inner journey. Through this I come into deeper levels of awareness and realisation of the immense gift of Steve's steadfast presence, unwavering support, unconditional love and joyful dedication in my life for over 22 years and within our wellness business for the last 5+ years.
What can I say, I just get inspired and my heart opens even more into the
LIGHT & TRUTH of unconditional LOVE.
This divine authentic love wants to be expressed, shared and set free from my heart and soul, so this blog was born to capture the moment and the story when inspired to write.
I like many find Steve to be a beacon of inspiration with his capacity to dig deep and believe in himself, his ability and follow his joy.
That which sets the soul on fire.
It is shared with LOVE & with the intention that it may engage and ignite something deep within you; something you have longed to ignite and affirm in your life.
OR perhaps can offer a few ray's of hope, relief, peace, courage and light in the days, weeks, months and even years ahead.
The Power of STORY.
Everyone has a Story and here is some of ours
pre Steve's endurance cycling times.
I had a greatly defended heart and was so afraid of so many things deep down. I spent many years on reflection with an underlining anxiety and overwhelm within my situation. My life was mostly consumed with attempting to appear strong on the outside to avoid being hurt, abandoned or rejected.
I use to be very over responsible in my attitude in an attempt to modulate the extremes of emotions being thrown all over the place in what I came to realise was a intensely dysfunctional home life. Plus I had been sent to live in two different children's home's between 3 and 6 years of age. ( BLOG HERE )
From 6 yrs of age I started to become the peace keeper in my family, the one to attempt to make things ok for everyone. I was strong for others at the expense of my own needs being met. Heck I did not even know what my needs were as I had buried and learnt to disallow them so much.
When Steve & I met at 16 and 17 year old, we were both pretty shy and awkward in our own respective ways. We met at a night club between our two towns on the west coast of Ireland. We went to different schools at the time.
I recall we were both feeling a bit lost in the Irish drinking culture and educational system. Steve would have much rather been training for Soccer and Gaelic football teams. For myself, however the alcohol did offer some much required reprieve to ‘let my hair down ‘ getting out of my mind for a bit to go have some fun. In fairness back then, the drinking culture in Ireland was pretty fun with family, friends and the local communities all hanging out in the pub together often after going to Church.
I had known from a early age that I wanted to get out into the world to travel and see different ways to live. Deep down I just felt there had to be a better way to live life that was easier and less of a struggle, However I had no idea what that was as it was just a gut / heart feeling at the time.
Steve and I became boyfriend and girlfriend for a few months in our Teens. I really had no idea how to be in a sincere relationship at that point in my life, so we ended it after 8+months. I went to college to study Industrial design and I joke that Steve went to the Pub for three years . But not the entire truth of course as he also took a 3 yr apprenticeship in carpentry. Then at 21yrs he had his first opportunity to leave Ireland with a friend and go live and work in Jersey which is one of the Channel Islands, a small island between England and France.
Even over the years I was in collage and Steve was doing his apprenticeship we would keep in touch sometimes and end up seeing each other out in different night clubs around our home towns.
When I finished college a group of friends invited me to go with them to visit Jersey in the summer months with the hope of finding work. At that time getting accommodation on the Island was a challenge so I ended up giving them Steve as a contact person. By the time I got there Steve and his roomie Dave were sharing there tiny bedsit with a few of my collage friends. Steve had even got with one of the girls and I had been with someone else in Collage for many months. It was certainly not my plan, however it did not take long before Steve and I managed to magnetise ourself together and I never did use my return ticket to fly home to Ireland that summer. I Stayed in Jersey with Steve and apart from splitting up for a couple of months that same year, we have been together ever since 22+ yrs and married for 11 years.
We lived primarily in Jersey from 1997 to 2007' before leaving there and travelling to N.Z in 2008'.
In our 20's a lot of fun was had living on what felt like a paradise Island compared to where we grew up in Ireland, a place where no one asked us what our plans were for our life's as really we had none except to travel and discover more about life and who we were.
We had lots of some fun times drinking and party on the weekends and working different jobs during the week. We started to save some money to go on extended travel adventures to Asia over those years and bit by bit we kept expanding our life experiences and perspectives. It was in 2003' in India that Steve and I got to experience our first authentic and traditional 10 day YOGA RETREAT and 10 DAY SILENT MEDITATION. Truly there is no going back after that .... as we began to come to know more experientially about the mind - body - spirit / energy connection. We became more aware of how things effected the body and mind and how the mind effected the body. We became more aware of reincarnation to represent the birth, life and death cycle that is a integral part of the Indian culture and spiritual traditions.
Even in India on our 1st ever Yoga retreat, Steve made getting into the posture of head stands look so easy and graceful compared to how I got to experience it. On the 10 Day Silent Meditation retreat sitting for 9 hours a day, he took to it like a Budda or at least that it what it seemed like to me.
On our return to Jersey, it was challenging for us both to try to marry the eastern body-mind-spiritual aligned ways we were discovering with the western ways of keeping the job to chase the $$$ to indulge in the pub culture / nightclubs on the weekends. India had a deeply profound and transformational effect on us both. It certainty gave us a much wider perspective on life and humbled our hearts and minds in many ways.
In generally drinking copious amounts of alcohol never suited Steve , he use to get sick as a dog afterwards and really suffer in his hangovers. On reflection it makes sense as Steve really has been a natural born athlete. He just could not find a way to truly express and excel in it especially as a teenager and 20’s.
A few months before Steve rode his 1st Tour Divide in 2017 which is a 4400km race across the united states he decided to quit alcohol. He had never considered to do this before then. He had a little alcohol when he returned to Ireland after his race and then after that pretty much none since. He says he does not like the feeling anymore and would rather feel the clarity and clearness of when he is riding his bike. His biking has become his greatest meditation.
THE POWER OF LOVE in words.
To Heal the wounded insecure heart.
In essence Steve seen me deeply and more truly before I was ready to see and accept myself. Now that I have walked my healing path and become the empowered healed healer of LOVE & LIGHT once more that I AM. It is my delight, honour and joy to bring forth from the depth of my true authentic being and reciprocate the love and support to Steve. It is my delight, honour, joy and compassion to extend this LOVE and LIGHTin words, story and heart to those that may feel as I once did.
I dedicate Steve's poetic LIGHT FILLED words he once gave to me, now to you. Please share them with someone you think it may inspire to also feel seen, loved and appreciated for whom they truly are beneath the challenges, the darkness, the anxiety, the concerns, worries, fear or depression.
If you ever wonder why I share as openly and authentically as I do ? It is because I know how it feels to deep down feel utterly alone, unsupported , unlovable, rejected, abandoned, unsafe and unacceptable for whom you truly are.
I want you to know you are not alone and I want you to remind others they are not alone either. For I recall that being the greatest pain of all to feel within my own inner prisons I had created to protect my heart from feeling the harsh world around me .
What I have learnt in my healing transformational experience this lifetime and from that of my soulful wisdom from other incarnations is this; that which we shine the light of awareness and fully acknowledge ( no turning away from in denial or avoidance ) does not own us anymore, we own it and that is empowerment.
Then with sincere forgiveness, acceptance and unconditional love we can transform all of what was once termed as negative / dark or abusive experiences and energies into powerful compassionate presence and brilliant wisdom that knows no bounds or limits within the soul, body and mind. There is then no need to repeat these patterns and experiences again, it is done and completed !!!
We stop running from the thoughts or trying to numb the feelings of those 'scary monsters' and 'ghosts' in the closets and under the floor boards trying to come forward within our respective psyche's'. We air those suckers out and return them to the light of consciousness !!! WOOHOO.
We return them to pure LOVE .
We come to realise we are powerful beyond measure and we move beyond egoic fears.
We realise deep down at our core that we are Consciousness / Spirit / Energy living a human experience.
And that experience can be weaved into a new storyline on a new stage of life.
And so it is.
Praise us all !